I’ve been blogging inconsistently at best for about the last six months. And yet, when I looked at my logs just now, I found that some time back in June, I had my 1 millionth page view. That was around the site’s 13 month anniversary (mesaversary?). Not too shabby for a blogger who barely shows up.

For those of you who are into stats, I’m at almost half a million visits and about 1.5 million hits at present.

~I AM~

“Some folks think I’m hidin’
It’s been rumored that I died,
But I’m alive and well in Tennessee.”

-George Strait

Well, I’m actually in Colorado, but the rest is about right. I’ve been extremely busy with work and listening to country music (as you might have guessed). Country music is very difficult for an atheist. Every fourth song is about god in at least some subtle way. Frankly, some of it’s pretty damn clever. But, I love a twang and a steel guitar, so I look past it. Carrie Underwood can kiss my ass, though.

My children, I have been to the mountaintop, and I’ll share with you what I found there… Jehovah’s Witnesses. Several weeks ago, my wife and I were indeed on a mountaintop in Rocky Mountain National Park, and the Witnesses had a table set up. Over 12,000 feet, at a visitor’s center in the middle of an alpine meadow is the last place one expects to be preached at, but there they were. I was actually waiting in the car, but my wife grabbed a copy of every publication they were handing out, and I’ve been reading through them in what little spare time I have. Let me tell you something. The Witnesses are GOOD. If I believed in god, I would have dropped my religion like a hot potato by now and become a Witness.

I’ve commented before in this space on the respect I have for the intellectual honesty of fundamentalists. If you claim this book was written by an all-powerful god, you should believe what it says. Every word. Even the stupid parts. The Witnesses do just that. I’ve never before seen such apparently coherent arguments built entirely upon scripture. Of course, they’re only coherent if you accept that there is a god and that he published a bestseller, but many people are on board with those assumptions, so these books are really well done. The one on Intelligent Design is amazing. There’s nothing revolutionary in there. It’s all the same arguments you always see. Piltdown Man; a duck egg never hatches a chicken; no transitional fossils (yeah right), etc. However, they package it all in a way that makes you feel like an idiot for being duped by your high school biology teacher. My favorite part is the mathematical analysis of the probability of life arising from from an organic soup. It’s like someone claiming he’s got the correct answer to the Drake equation.

One thing I didn’t know about Jehovah’s Wtnesses is that they think the endtimes started in 1914. Since the Bible states that all of the events of this period will happen before an entire generation passes away, they’re running out of time. Jehovah’s Witnessism (Witnitude? Witticism?) is an armageddon cult. I never understood that before. Frankly, I wish them good luck. It sounds like everything will be very nice around here after their loving god resurrects everyone and then kills the bad ones again. Here’s the question, though. In 10 or 20 years, when the last person born in 1914 dies, do you think they’ll admit defeat? My money’s on them picking a new date. That’s the typical approach when a cult fails to predict the end of the world.

Anyway, that’s all I have right now. I will try to post more frequently, but time will tell. Keep up the great discussions, though. As long as some other people are saying interesting things, I don’t feel so guilty about my lax blogging.

~I AM~

So, a little over a week ago, I went out for what I thought would be a routine business lunch at a local country club. It was my first meeting with this particular contact, but nothing in our phone conversations indicated that we would be discussing anything other than products and pricing. Instead, I wound up sitting there for two hours, having one of the most fun religion conversations I’ve ever had with a Christian.

We managed to stay on topic for a while, but then he asked me why we left New York. While it’s certainly not the primary reason, September 11 is always a part of the answer to that question. He started explaining his thoughts on the causes of Muslim terrorism, but he left out one fairly important little detail… Islam. He was talking about the desperation of poverty as the sole cause for terrorism. I pointed out that religion could not be excluded from this conversation, and that faith invariably leads to violence. I used Richard Reid and Eric Rudolph as examples of citizens of affluent nations who became terrorists because of religion. At this point, ignoring Eric Rudolph entirely, he launched into the 24 hour news networks’ party line talking points about Islam being a religion of peace. I’ve had about all I can take of this from the media mynah birds running around our society avoiding thought and attempting to sound informed by simply repeating whatever Wolf Blitzer or some other talking head tells them as loudly and frequently as they can. I asked him if he’d read the Qur’an; he had not. With a triumphant tone in his voice, he asked if I had read the Bible.

“Three times.”

“Oh,” he said, “I’m on my second time through.”

It was at this point that I informed him he was picking a fight with a heavyweight. He was unintimidated by my religion major, so we continued. I spoke of an Episcopalian friend of mine, and he volunteered that he too was an Episcopalian. After I got in a quick, snide comment about Henry VIII, he asked about my background. I told him I was raised Roman Catholic.

“But you’re not one anymore?”

“No, I’m an atheist.”

That’s usually the end of this type of conversation, but he pressed on. He asked me the difference between an atheist and an agnostic.

“An agnostic is an atheist who’s afraid that god’s going to be pissed off if he’s wrong,” I quipped, and then dealt seriously with the question. It was my certainty that god does not exist that he couldn’t deal with. I explained that not believing in something is the default position and that I have found no compelling evidence that god exists. He assured me that the evidence is everywhere.

Then we started the scripture phase. He started throwing out passages (mostly NT). While he consistently made good arguments (considering), he was a poor speaker, and he became frustrated that I was finishing most of his points for him whilst he hemmed and hawed. Then it was my turn to use the Bible. I started asking how he could believe in and love a god that did such awful things, citing many of the passages I used in the erstwhile God is a Dick series. As is typical, he hid behind metaphor and did his best to avoid discussing the OT.

Then we talked about good and evil. Unlike many members of more extreme churches, he readily admitted that Christianity is not a prerequisite for being a good person. His position is that some people really need Christ to find the way, while others find it on their own. I am a naturally good person. That’s not just my claim; he said he could see it in my aura! I don’t recall the Book of Auras, but I may have to brush up on that. Anyway, he said he had been living a wicked life, and that he was turning to religion to be as good a person as I am. He said he trusted me, and that he could tell me anything. I had no idea yet what that would mean, but keep reading.

“So,” I said “if I can be a good person without Jesus, and good people go to heaven, what would happen if I died today?” Well, as it turns out, there’s a catch. He said that Jesus would come to see me and that he would understand my doubts. Jesus would then ask me to accept him, and I would get into heaven if I did so. I’m sure you’re all thinking the same thing I was. “What, then, is the use of faith?” I don’t know about you, but if Jesus showed up and gave me some proof of his existence and power, I’d go back to church in a second. If you died, and Jesus asked you personally to believe in him, you’d have to be a total jackass to say no. So, where does faith come in? We talked about Paul, and how he had no need of faith. We talked about Thomas, and how he demonstrated a total lack of faith. We talked about Francis and how the little fleshy nail heads on his palms pretty much removed all doubt. Well, as it turns out, my associate also had no need for faith.

So far, he had been impressing me. I had never before met (in person) a Christian so capable of competently defending his faith. His skills as an apologist were admirable. However, never confuse smart with sane. I find more and more in life that if one constructs a Venn diagram of the two, the shaded area is far smaller than expected. He then told me that he had had a personal encounter with Jesus.

I nearly got up to leave, but I had to hear this one. He told me about a time when he was a very young child. He was in bed at night, alone in the dark. Satan™ had come to claim his soul.

“Did you see him?”

“No, but it was him.”

So far this doesn’t exactly stand up in court, but he continued. He called out to Jesus, and Jesus saved him.

“Did you see him?”

“No, I felt him. It’s far more powerful.”

Right. Either that, or it was gas. Now, I had kind of started to like this guy, so I didn’t want to bring down the hammer of logic too hard.

“Listen,” I said, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, and I don’t want to belittle your experience, but when I was a child, I was in bed one night and saw the Easter Bunny. I didn’t really see the Easter Bunny.”

“This wasn’t visual. I felt him. It was him.”

Where does one go from there in an argument? This man will always believe in god because he had indigestion once as a tot.

Then he started talking about other “evidence” of god, including the story of The Blue Nun. If you don’t know the story, follow the link. It’s a hoot.

Anyway, I walked out of there with homework.

1. Read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis - I asked if there was more to it than the trilemma, and he said there is. I’ll have to check it out when I have time.

2. Read Don’t Throw Away Tomorrow by Schuller - Has anyone else read this? I don’t know anything about it.

3. Research a painting of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane that supposedly emits light. - I asked him if he’d ever heard of Thomas Kincaid. He got the joke, and didn’t seem to appreciate it.

So, that’s it. Shortly thereafter, the check showed up. I paid because the conversation was well worth the cost of a couple of salads. I hope you enjoyed this chance to be a fly on the wall.

~I AM~

Last Thursday was the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi. This is not one of the big, well-known holidays, so you’re probably thinking it has something to do with Texas, but I assure you that it does not. Corpus Christi (literally “body of Christ”) is a day dedicated to the celebration of the miracle of the eucharist - the transubstantiation of stale crackers and bad wine into the actual, literal body and blood of Christ. Now, it would seem that there is another day that covers this. It’s called Holy Thursday. That’s the holy week comemoration of the last supper, the meal at which Jesus first turned his followers into cannibalistic vampires. However, people are supposed to be sad during holy week, so Corpus Christi gives Catholics a chance to contemplate the mundane miracle of mass without the sackcloth and ashes routine. In short, it is an opportunity to be glad that god has offered himself to us as a mid-morning snack.

The feast of Corpus Christi isn’t that old (in church terms). It only goes back to the 13th century. It all started with a young girl named Juliana, who had been placed in a convent at age 5 following the death of her parents. At 16, after 11 years of a perfectly normal, emotionally stable childhood being raised by nuns and reading a lot of Augustine, Juliana began to have hallucinations visions. She repeatedly saw the moon with a black spot on it. She prayed for the image to go away because she didn’t understand it. Then Jesus stopped by to explain that the moon represented the church and the black spot represented the absence of the feast of Corpus Christi. Duh.

St. Juliana spent many days in prayer and one day, God explained the meaning of the vision to her. Jesus said, “You are troubled about the vision. I desire to set up a special Feast for My Church Militant, because this Feast is most necessary. It is a Feast of the Most High and Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. At the present time, the celebration of this Mystery is only observed on Maundy Thursday. But on that day, it is mostly My sufferings and death that are thought about. Therefore, I desire that another day be set apart, in which the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar shall be celebrated by all of Christendom!”

Jesus continued, “The first reason why I am asking for this special Feast Day, is so that the faith in this Sacrament would be confirmed by this Feast, when bad people would attack this mystery in the future. The second reason is so that the faithful would be strengthened on their way to virtue by a very great love and adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, and the third reason is so that because of this Feast and the loving attention given to it, reparation would be made for the insults and lack of respect shown to the Blessed Sacrament.”

Defensive for a deity, don’t you think? Anyway, Juliana told a local church official, and he liked the idea. After some years of intrigue involving an evil monk and several transitions of power, a friend of Juliana’s happened to become Pope Urban IV, and he made the feast official.

So, what’s the moral of the story? It’s good to have non-imaginary friends in high places. Even if god’s your idea man, it helps to know the Pope if you want to get anything done.

~I AM~

P.S. Sorry this week’s installment was a day late. I’ve been busy.

I thought this was a Christian nation. Well, actually, I thought it was a secular nation based on the constitution, but Robertson, O’Reilly et al. keep telling us it’s a Christian nation. There certainly are plenty of signs to support that. God has been very successful in the bumper sticker market, and he has lots of people dropping by his house at least once a week. People say “thank god” and “god bless you” all the time. He’s even on the money. However, when you look around and watch how people live, it’s inconsistent. Popular culture is, by definition, popular, and the people are consistently voting against god with their credit cards during the week even if they do throw him a couple of bucks in cash every Sunday morning.

I recently read The Da Vinci Code, and I was reflecting on its immense popularity. It’s not just a bestseller or a blockbuster movie, it’s a phenomenon. Now, I’ve heard both positions argued, but I have to say that after having read it, no good Christian could tolerate it. If I truly believed in Jesus Christ, I would be sending Dan Brown hate mail every day. However, in a country that self identifies as 85% Christian, it’s been a goldmine. People can’t get enough of it. They’ve read the book, seen the movie and watched the 317 different “documentaries” about it on cable. Something doesn’t add up.

Then, a few days ago, I saw The Omen at the drive-in. It’s been a very successful movie. It came out on 6/6/06, and Christian America flocked to see it. Then, just to top it off, SPOILER: THE DEVIL WINS! The people who go see this movie aren’t going home and saying Hail Marys afterwards. They’re not appalled by the blasphemy. They love it. (Well, they like it, at least; it wasn’t that great.) Once again, something’s a bit off here.

Just yesterday, my wife was reading the June issue of 5280 magazine (a Denver publication), and read me an interesting passage from an article entitled “People’s Republic of Porn,” by John Dicker. (No, I’m not making that up.)

In conservative Cincinnati, for example, one cable operator will only carry Pleasure, TEN’s single X channel. However, as Boenish [Oh, grow up.] notes, market research consistently shows that the more conservative a community is, the more adult entertainment is purchased - often on the order of a usage rate that’s up to 100% higher than in other markets.

“The Bible Belt is awesome for us,” Boenish says with barely restrained glee.

So, Christianity has a strong positive correlation with porn consumption. The calculus grows ever more complex.

Howard Stern, The Daily Show, most rap music, half the dramas in prime time TV… hugely popular and distinctly distasteful to anyone who really believes that Jesus Christ is his lord and savior and that there is a real risk that he’s going to hell. There is only one explanation that makes all of this insanity gel. There are a lot more atheists in America than anyone realizes. Many of these “Christians” are checking that box on the census because either that’s what they were taught to do or they identify the word with their culture or they were well trained during the cold war that atheists are the enemy… NOT because they’re sitting home on Saturday nights waiting for the Rapture.

If I’m right about this, then PR is incredibly important in our cause. We have to remove the stigma that’s so strongly tied to the word atheist. We have to educate people and teach them that “Christian” is not a default; it’s a choice. If we can do that, I think we’ll find that we have a lot fewer people to deconvert than we once thought.

~I AM~