Is This News?
Little Old Lady Loses Her Marbles
“They were right here.” says Surely Deranged of suburban La La Land.
“Well you are 81 years old, you don’t think maybe you misplaced them?”
“No, no, they were right here on the shelf, and now they’re gone.”
“Uhm, are these them over hear on the table?”
“Well no, they couldn’t be, my marbles were up on the shelf!”
“OK, what if I just put these marbles on the shelf?”
“Oh my, look you found my marbles!”
“Well, not all of them.”
–
Woman Believes What She Wants to Believe
“The sky is red.” says Klinically Insane of Wacko, TX.
“Actually, it’s a beautiful blue with white puffy clouds.”
“Now your just being silly”
–
Woman Sees Virgin Mary on a Turtle“I told some of my friends, you know, ‘I got a turtle,’ and I said it has the image of the Virgin Mary on it, and I said it’s getting plainer and plainer.”
“Oh, Shirley, you’re getting nuts; you’re 81 years old.”
“There’s no doubt,” McVane said. “You can’t doubt it’s the Virgin Mary. You know it’s there, and that’s all.”
“Uhm, it just looks like a regular turtle to me.”
“She came to a holy house. I think she came to visit us so God knows she’s happy and safe.”
“Yeah, ’cause if God wants to let us all know that the “Virgin” Mary is safe, he’ll announce it through a turtle, right.”
–
No, none of these are news. Yet somehow, at least one of these stories is making headlines.
LBBP
August 29th, 2006 at at 7:03 am
Bleh, same old crap. From a stain in an underpass to now a turtle. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, you’d think the almighty has better things to do with his time.
August 29th, 2006 at at 9:37 am
Nah, he doesn’t. Jesus would rather go around spraypainting he and his mom’s image onto objects rather than use his power for good. Is painting a turtle’s shell considered animal abuse?
August 29th, 2006 at at 12:37 pm
I said the same thing a while ago, except I replaced “Virgin Mary” with “aliens from outerspace come to conquer us.” No one listened.
September 1st, 2006 at at 12:56 pm
Hey, somebody clean up the spam. Your frequent commentators for the month are…how you say,
September 1st, 2006 at at 1:42 pm
Oh I see what you mean. Should be all better now.
September 2nd, 2006 at at 10:13 am
You have been tagged by the book meme.
September 4th, 2006 at at 7:25 am
Not sure if this is possible, but can you set the TOP COMMENTORS as people who you have approved of their comments rather than anyone who just commenting to promote their site?
September 4th, 2006 at at 6:02 pm
Once I asked God if it would be for the best, whether or not I killed myself. I looked up into the sky and prayed for a sign. At that moment, a shooting star streaked across the sky. I then realized that maybe God was a confused motherfucker.
September 7th, 2006 at at 6:18 am
Not sure if this is possible, but can you set the TOP COMMENTORS as people who you have approved of their comments rather than anyone who just commenting to promote their site?
No one would be so crass as to just leave a comment so they can promote their site.
I am sure of it.
September 23rd, 2006 at at 5:30 am
Uhm, it just looks like a regular turtle to me.”