Calendar of Credulity – Part V: Corpus Christi
Last Thursday was the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi. This is not one of the big, well-known holidays, so you’re probably thinking it has something to do with Texas, but I assure you that it does not. Corpus Christi (literally “body of Christ”) is a day dedicated to the celebration of the miracle of the eucharist – the transubstantiation of stale crackers and bad wine into the actual, literal body and blood of Christ. Now, it would seem that there is another day that covers this. It’s called Holy Thursday. That’s the holy week comemoration of the last supper, the meal at which Jesus first turned his followers into cannibalistic vampires. However, people are supposed to be sad during holy week, so Corpus Christi gives Catholics a chance to contemplate the mundane miracle of mass without the sackcloth and ashes routine. In short, it is an opportunity to be glad that god has offered himself to us as a mid-morning snack.
The feast of Corpus Christi isn’t that old (in church terms). It only goes back to the 13th century. It all started with a young girl named Juliana, who had been placed in a convent at age 5 following the death of her parents. At 16, after 11 years of a perfectly normal, emotionally stable childhood being raised by nuns and reading a lot of Augustine, Juliana began to have hallucinations visions. She repeatedly saw the moon with a black spot on it. She prayed for the image to go away because she didn’t understand it. Then Jesus stopped by to explain that the moon represented the church and the black spot represented the absence of the feast of Corpus Christi. Duh.
St. Juliana spent many days in prayer and one day, God explained the meaning of the vision to her. Jesus said, “You are troubled about the vision. I desire to set up a special Feast for My Church Militant, because this Feast is most necessary. It is a Feast of the Most High and Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. At the present time, the celebration of this Mystery is only observed on Maundy Thursday. But on that day, it is mostly My sufferings and death that are thought about. Therefore, I desire that another day be set apart, in which the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar shall be celebrated by all of Christendom!”
Jesus continued, “The first reason why I am asking for this special Feast Day, is so that the faith in this Sacrament would be confirmed by this Feast, when bad people would attack this mystery in the future. The second reason is so that the faithful would be strengthened on their way to virtue by a very great love and adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, and the third reason is so that because of this Feast and the loving attention given to it, reparation would be made for the insults and lack of respect shown to the Blessed Sacrament.”
Defensive for a deity, don’t you think? Anyway, Juliana told a local church official, and he liked the idea. After some years of intrigue involving an evil monk and several transitions of power, a friend of Juliana’s happened to become Pope Urban IV, and he made the feast official.
So, what’s the moral of the story? It’s good to have non-imaginary friends in high places. Even if god’s your idea man, it helps to know the Pope if you want to get anything done.
~I AM~
P.S. Sorry this week’s installment was a day late. I’ve been busy.
June 19th, 2006 at at 3:55 pm
Jesus makes me hungry.
June 19th, 2006 at at 4:09 pm
Once again, it’s a PR problem. How hard could it be to promote a saint? If we all got together and started an on-line movement to promote some obscure, holy women, who no one ever heard of, how hard could it be? I realize there are rules, but Pope JP2 cannonized 482 saints! If we could secretly get someone bumped up towards sainthood, by tricking catholics, that would be really good for a laugh.
Maybe should try to turn a Bishop or Cardinal to atheism. I bet the are a lot of disenchanted clergy out there. Maybe we can get them in deep to wreck havoc in the x-ian hierarchy, we cracked the surface and pedophiles fell out, I’d love to see what a major blow would bring. Maybe we should just try a hostile take over. We can start with a parish, spread out, grab a diocese or two.
Just a thought
June 19th, 2006 at at 5:19 pm
atheism is a religion in itself. BELIEVING that thier is no godly superior. yall ask where did god come from, where did the material come from to create the big bang!?! hope you all see the truth jesus loves all equally and i want to bash you guys but i can’t because i am a christian woman. so god bless you…
June 19th, 2006 at at 5:21 pm
ahahahahah…..I’m touched. Please, I beg you. Bash us.
June 19th, 2006 at at 5:21 pm
Jesus makes my nose itch.
June 19th, 2006 at at 5:27 pm
How hard could it be to promote a saint? If we all got together and started an on-line movement to promote some obscure, holy women, who no one ever heard of, how hard could it be?
Oh sure, easy as hell, I think we all remember scientology.
…I won’t even respond to Mrs. Sexy, because she probably won’t ever be back here, except to say that “thier” is spelled “their”
take that religion
June 19th, 2006 at at 6:43 pm
Then Jesus stopped by to explain that the moon represented the church and the black spot represented the absence of the feast of Corpus Christi. Duh
Lol, that’s priceless. Nice post I AM.
June 19th, 2006 at at 10:03 pm
Atheism is not a religion.
Examine the word itself –
It is a combination of the prefix “a” as in “without” or “lacking”, and the word “theism.” “Lacking theism” is the meaning we establish using such a process..
Therefore, it is a lack of religion.
June 20th, 2006 at at 3:24 am
This one is good. Whatever is said by Jesus has to beconfirmed by bad people, and ‘I AM’ has given him confirmation by writing about it.
good stuff.
June 20th, 2006 at at 3:36 pm
i want to bash you guys but i can’t because i am a christian woman
Lovely, isn’t she? (And she is probably only sexy in her own mind, as well.)
Another example of someone who will only be nice to people because her babble tells her to.
June 21st, 2006 at at 7:01 am
Interesting, “sexy christian woman” reads like a parody. Is it real or is trollerex?
June 21st, 2006 at at 9:24 am
What’s even more bizarre (if that could ever be the case) is that apparently only crackers made with wheat can transubstantiate into Jesus-flesh. God is just so damned fussy with his cooking.
June 21st, 2006 at at 11:29 am
Sexy x-tian woman, I bet you’d come back and bash if I said you’re a stupid bimbo who has her head firmly packed up the ass of a fat stinky delusion.
By the way no woman who believes in invisible sky friends is sexy. Your moronic beliefs make you instaneously hideous.
Stupidity is never attractive.
Also, judging by your pathetic grammar, I’d venture you’re a two toothed hillbilly too.
June 21st, 2006 at at 3:48 pm
What’s even more bizarre (if that could ever be the case) is that apparently only crackers made with wheat can transubstantiate into Jesus-flesh. God is just so damned fussy with his cooking.
There are nuns who have a corner on the market. My aunt tried making her own holy wafers for her church and 3 nuns came and kneecapped her.
June 23rd, 2006 at at 10:42 am
Sheesh, I guess that was some cold shit I said the other day. I was in a real crappy mood. I feel better today. Although I still don’t find stupidity attractive.
June 25th, 2006 at at 9:05 pm
The thing about the x-ian woman’s goofy comment is the inconsistancies contained in it at almost every word.
“Where did all of the material for the big bang come from?”
She asks like she has us over a barrel. like she touched upon the brink. You can actually see where her knowledge ends. She can see nothing beyond God, and when she looks at the big bang she sees the same thing. a blank emptiness. Her thoughts are incapable of penatrating any further and so reality STOPS! right there.
The second thing that irks me is that her arguement is essentially “God is a big mystery, sure there’s no evidence, but your stupid too!
True, I may not have a sharp arguement at my fingertips about naked singularity theory, true I don’t have Steven Hawking waiting for my call, but quantum physics is some complicated shit!
but just because I’m not a physicist, doesn’t give your agreement strength.
“Hey what’s in the box?”
“I think it’s a donut.”
“I think its penny.”
“Well I know it’s not an elephant.”
“Well that proves it……it’s a penny.”
Man I hate that. It’s right up the with the “I’ll pray for you” bullshit. Taking the default superior position.
“I would like to call you an asshole, but I’m to jesus-like to call an asshole an asshole, so you are one asshole who will not be called an asshole by me………asshole, I mean, God Bless.
It’s amazing to me how limited some people are.
June 29th, 2006 at at 7:05 am
You should’ve mentioned the play of the same name. It’s a religious heart-warmer
July 1st, 2006 at at 5:22 pm
atheism is a religion in itself. BELIEVING that thier is no godly superior. yall ask where did god come from, where did the material come from to create the big bang!?! hope you all see the truth jesus loves all equally and i want to bash you guys but i can’t because i am a christian woman. so god bless you…
July 1st, 2006 at at 5:27 pm
atheism is a religion in itself. BELIEVING that thier is no godly superior. yall ask where did god come from, where did the material come from to create the big bang!?! hope you all see the truth jesus loves all equally and i want to bash you guys but i can’t because i am a christian woman. so god bless you…
Like many religites, this woman is simply uneducated, has a ten-year old’s grasp of big bang physics and doesn’t seem to mind making an ass of herself.
July 2nd, 2006 at at 11:18 am
Hmm…wouldn’t a True Christian (TM) not want to bash someone but would simply love them? Perhaps she’s worried that if she did she might lose her prize when she gets to heaven. Again just goes to show that most religious people aren’t truly moral people, they just do what’s right so that they can get their reward. Like a child who is told that if he cleans his room he will get an XBox, but that if he doesn’t, he’ll be tortured. When he cleans his room, we don’t consider him to be a “good boy”.
Damn I love WordPress.
July 4th, 2006 at at 9:27 pm
Oh man… I just got back from the family picnic with the usual political fight with the uncle. It always starts political. He’s totally uninformed. I read ALOT. He listens to Rush. He ’s screaming at me about some decision the supreme court made that I never heard about. Of course he couldn’t name the case, or the year it happened, but that didn’t stop him. Then the brother-in-law started in on me too about something. I asked them if they could name the supreme court justices. You see they were screaming about a liberal supreme court and all so I asked them to name the justices…………so anyway on to religion which is the natural progression of these things. After telling me….no kidding….that the internet was going to get me in hell. He got me on a free will thing…..this is where it got good. He said blah blah blah…your free will….blah blah balh. I’m sure you can all fill in the blanks, my family is catholic with an extra dash of jesus-freak.
Anyway I say. “I disagree with your point about free-will. I think it’s a moot point.” I explained that an all knowing god would have known generations before I was born, that I would die an atheist and would be fed into the fire like cordwood. God, knowing that I would be created simply for the purpose of being tortued forever, chose to create me anyway. He would have known I would be an atheist, that the best efforts of my family, teachers and God himself would fail to convince me, and I would suffer infinite torment for infinite time for my skepticism. And yet God chose to create me anyway, just as I am.
I asked him to square that with his beliefs. Not being a complete fool, he said he’d get back to me. I’m not holding my breath.
July 6th, 2006 at at 11:13 pm
Off topic here,
Social Scientists, I think you forgot to give an answer to the questions that where put to you on May 19 post. You have vanished since then.
Either you respond or admit that you have no answer for them.
July 6th, 2006 at at 11:15 pm
Sorry, that’s April 19 post.
July 7th, 2006 at at 1:30 pm
Oh man… I just got back from the family picnic with the usual political fight with the uncle. It always starts political. He’s totally uninformed. I read ALOT. He listens to Rush.
I’m in the same situation as you are. My fiancee’s family is pretty conservative, and her brother listens to conservative radio shows. I’ve changed a lot politically in the past year or so, and haven’t really spent a very long period of time with them, but when I do, I expect a clash. I do a lot of reading nowadays too, and so I’m looking forward to it. Defeating conservative talking points is pretty simple, but I need to do is smoothly enough that I can hopefully open their mind a little.
July 8th, 2006 at at 1:13 pm
I’m currently in Texas, land of the free range republicans, with my grandparents. All my family on my mother’s side lives in Texas, and their all bleeding God fearing republicans. My grandmother is the most frustrating of them all, because she’s “believed” for so long her brain just accepts anything mr Bush and his like tell her. I mean, she wanted to call up the Times to complain about the whole release of the whole Bank monitoring thing becase Bush disapproved (was it the Times? I think it was the Times). And the most heartbreaking part is there’s no way to help her, she is a product of that society, and it’s too late.
I think I’ll go have some ice cream in the corner.
July 10th, 2006 at at 3:45 pm
Did you ever argue with someone about politics or religion, and it is clear from the start that you are better versed. You know the Bible better than the christian and you know hard science better than the creationalist. Sometimes they even say something like, “Well, you obviously have spent more time on this.” or “Well I can’t quote scripture like you can…”
The funny thing is, even after I hear that from them, it doesn’t stop them from still telling me I’m stupid and wrong. They admit to being less informed, less schooled, less contemplative, but I’m still the ignorant fool.
July 10th, 2006 at at 5:51 pm
Well, they have God on their side
July 11th, 2006 at at 2:13 pm
I live in Alabama, and while we don’t have a huge Catholic presence here, we are up to our eyeballs in Southern Baptists and fundies and in-your-face busybodies. My friends & I get no end of trouble from our parents & in-laws, etc who find out that we don’t believe in their fairy tales, so my empathy goes to any of you having similar problems. I think we should start a support group!
July 11th, 2006 at at 6:15 pm
When my wife gave birth to my daughter she had to spend a few days in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) Don’t worry, I didn’t pray at all, and she’s super healthy. But when my mom saw her for the first time she put a little cross-blessing thingy on her forehead, just a quick swooosh swoosh, you’d hardly notice.
How do you fight that??? I’d argue with the dying Pope for laughs, but i can’t yell at my Mom in the intensive care unit!
And it’s not the ritualistic swoosh that really chaps my ass. It’s the hypocracy of a heavy-drinking, church skipping, curse throwing woman who feels not only that she is in the best graces of the Lord, but that she CAN BESTOW THOSE BLESSINGS ON OTHERS!!!!
Right! she’s Mother Fucking Teresa, when she isn’t doing shots.
Just so you all know, I waited until she went out to her car and I let her have it. She’s smart enough and tough enough to take it. And most importantly, she’s my daughter, I’ll do as I see fit.
July 12th, 2006 at at 5:55 pm
that post by aunrd@rcn.com is me, dull blade, i drink alot….sorry.
July 12th, 2006 at at 5:56 pm
whats with jibber jabber man????
July 13th, 2006 at at 7:27 pm
I work in a sea of cubicles. Ever debate with yourself over the whole sneezing “god bless you vs. gesuntiite (sp?) thing. Maybe you don’t say anything…well then that means you secretly hate Judy, or maybe Pam is being a bitch because last week, Marshe said it to me, but not her, which obviously means Marsha hates Pam, and now since you didn’t say “Bless you” when Judy sneezed, it means you are on Pam’s side and……..
I’m ready to take a hostage.
July 14th, 2006 at at 8:51 am
I like to throw them a curveball and instead say, “Kazoosnot.” They think you’re saying Gesundheit, but are confused because it didn’t really sound like it. Normally they don’t reply at all. They never ask, What did you say? for fear of looking dumb.