Calendar of Credulity – Part IV: The Rose Moon
Chia, Fati, Hana, Kidili, Losna, Selene, Sina, Tecuciztecatl… The moon has been called by and worshipped under many names in every part of the world. Of course, this isn’t surprising. The moon is one of the two great, mysterious lights that hang from the sky. No one really knows what the moon is or what keeps it from falling on us. It must be a god or controlled directly by one.
Just think about how important the moon is to us. If we stopped worshipping it, and it went away, it would be dark at night. Women’s reproductive cycles would stop or go haywire. Without the magic pull of the moon’s will, there might be no tides. Diseases would spread out of control without the healing moonbeams that stop sickness. This kind of power can only come from the hand of a god.
Tonight is the night of the Rose Moon, also known as the Strawberry Moon, Lotus Moon, Green Corn Moon, Windy Moon, Dyad Moon, Planting Moon, Flying Fish Moon or Moon of Horses, depending on your culture. I urge you to honor the full moon tonight in whatever way seems right to you. Personally, I like to build a bonfire, strip naked with about a dozen friends and dance in a circle. I can’t run the risk that not enough people prostrate themselves before the moon god or goddess. Tragedy would befall us all… I’m sure. Luckily, there have always been people to carry on the worship, so we haven’t had to find out for sure, but you can bet it would be bad.
In so-called “modern” religions, the moon is maligned. Monotheists scoff at pagan esbats and other lunar rituals. They should know how lucky they are that some people still appease the great pale face. In fact, most of these monotheistic faiths come from moon cults, anyway. In pre-Muslim Arabia, the Qaa’ba was a temple to the moon god, Hubal. It is believed by many scholars that Hubal and Allah are identical. This might explain the crescent moon at the top of nearly every mosque in the world. The Jews and Christians are also very likely descended from moon worshippers. Abraham, father of both faiths, came from an area that was a prominent seat of worship of the moon god Sin. After the Exodus, the Israelites spent a long time in Sin’ai, the desert of the moon god. In fact, many of the events in the calendars of all three faiths are still determined by the moon. Easter, Ramadan and the beginning of every month in the Jewish calendar are based on the moon.
Given this, I don’t understand how they can turn their backs on our celestial mother. Many of them even claim that the moon is nothing but a dead hunk of rock that moves in a big circle around the Earth. Some of them even say they’ve BEEN to the moon. How ridiculous is that!? Next they’ll be telling us that the sun is a giant hydrogen bomb, and not Ra. Yeah.. maybe we all come from monkeys, too. That’s a good one.
So, in closing, I hope you join me in giving tonight’s full moon the worship it deserves. Don’t allow the monotheists to taint your faith with all of their “information.” If moon worship was good enough for our ancient ancestors, it’s good enough for me.
~I AM~
June 11th, 2006 at at 7:27 pm
Oh noes, illegal immigrants put out my bonfire!
June 12th, 2006 at at 1:03 am
Wow, I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to hear somebody talk about this crucial act of worship. The moon god has punished us lately because of our homosexual lifestyles. Hurricanes, terrorism, global warming, and the clap. When are we going to wake up?
I’m going to go eat some cheese (the body of my moon savior), and I suggest you all do the same.
June 12th, 2006 at at 5:53 am
Welcome back! Now that’s more like it. No more having to deal with trolls of one variety or another.
June 12th, 2006 at at 10:33 am
I prayed to the Moon last week so that it wouldn’t rain on Saturday. Guess what, it didn’t rain.
If you have any requests for the Moon, I can make them on your behalf, seeing as I have a special relationship with the Moon.
Only $10 a request.
June 12th, 2006 at at 12:01 pm
If you have any requests for the Moon, I can make them on your behalf, seeing as I have a special relationship with the Moon.
Only $10 a request.
I’d love to see a pagan televangelist. That would be cool.
June 12th, 2006 at at 2:08 pm
I tried to honor the day by showing my neighbor a full moon, and they called the cops. They just have no respect for piety I guess.
June 13th, 2006 at at 5:04 pm
I Am,
I accept your challenge! First, in order to keep it “real” heh heh. I need a Holy Book. I figure it needs to stand the test of time.
It also needs to be a book that can be interpreted differently by everyone who reads it, AND has to have only a disjointed plot and really leads to nowhere…..I’m thinking…..The Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. You know the one! with the red and white palid cover. It’s perfect. Everyone remembers seeing one. Lots of people have watched thier parents look though one, and, lets be honest, plaid is sexy.
“Woe to thee who Questions the Dull Blade! (ummm….someone has to play the part of figure head, my head figured, it might as well be me) let’s start again….
“Woe to thee who Questions the Dull Blade! As you see the Chapter 11, Page 472 verse 12-13.”
‘Beat ! Beat, with a Rotary Beater till smooth. Stir into Drippings in Roasting Pan.’
How Clear does God have to say it!!! What are you Stupid? Do YOU want to end up in the Roasting Pan?!?…….The Roasting Pan of PAIN? Huh? Do you? Well you are! Smack Dab in the middle of the Roasting Pan of Pain! The Pan of Sorrow! The Pan of ETERNAL AGONY! Yes, you! YES YOU!…Stupid asshole! You! SIZZLE SIZZLE!
We could make a fortune. Seriously.
June 14th, 2006 at at 9:45 am
It’s been a beautiful moon this week. Certainly worthy of worship.
June 14th, 2006 at at 9:27 pm
Worship the moon? YOU HEATHENS! Surely you recognise the one and only true god?
I saw the light (pardon bad pun) and decided to worhip jesus, the son of the sun god. The one and only son of the sun.
Afterall, how much proof do you need? The sun obviously resurrects itself each day and shines brightly in the sky. So no more anthropomorphising other objects in the cosmos. Come join with me in the worship of “jesus, the son of the sun.”
June 14th, 2006 at at 11:24 pm
I really can’t believe that none of you has felt the touch of His noodly appendage! The moon is only a poor imitation of His right ball, er, meatball. Strip in front of a bonfire if you must, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM to the faithfull) showers the wondrous sauce upon those who twirl the fork in homage. And tomorrow I shall verily feast upon His flesh and blood with a nice Chianti and garlic-buttered baguette.
June 15th, 2006 at at 8:02 am
And tomorrow I shall verily feast upon His flesh and blood with a nice Chianti and garlic-buttered baguette.
Theophagy. Sick.
June 16th, 2006 at at 11:24 pm
But I always have spaghetti on my birthday. No chianti this time though, just a gutsy merlot from the Grand Valley.
Theophagy? I can’t even find that word in the dictionary. I guess it has something to do with eating one’s deity. Some people try to do it every Sunday. Yeah, you’re right. Sick.