God is a Dick - Part XV: The Quran on Women
I have recently read several articles by Muslim females, as well as some clerics, talking about how our perception of the status of women in Islam is erroneous. They blame any oppression that may occur on the governments of Muslim states, and not on “true” Islam. I turned to the Quran (purportedly authored by Allah with a ghostwriting credit to Muhammad) to find out who’s right.
First, let’s dispense with the notion that women are equal to men in Islam. The word of Allah is clear on this point, and he has been so kind as to quantify the difference in value between the genders. Financially, a woman is worth half as much as a man.
Allah (thus) directs you as regards your Children’s (Inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two females: (S. 4:11)
You can easily argue that this passage doesn’t indicate that women are inferior. You might blame the discrepancy on Allah’s desire to encourage marriage and solidify the social order by making women financially dependent on men. Were this an isolated verse, that would be a valid interpretation. However, the Quran has more to say about the value of women.
Let his guardian dictate faithfully, and get two witnesses, out of your own men, and if there are not two men, then a man and two women, such as ye choose, for witnesses, so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her. (S. 2:282)
Here we see that a woman as a witness is only half as reliable as a man. The only reasonable interpretation of this verse is that women are forgetful at best and stupid or mendacious at worst. A man, however, is superior in whichever quality is being impugned in women. I suppose the women should consider themselves lucky that the men are there to take care of them.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). (S. 4:34)
Well, that bit started out condescending and ended up being just plain vicious. In addition to what we’ve learned about women already, we find that they are treacherous and willful. Of course, they must be beaten, but only lightly. Other translations have them being scourged. I don’t know about you, but I think that a “light scouring” is an oxymoron.
The men are well within their Quranic rights in beating their wives, however, because women are property.
I linked the word “tilth” because I had to look it up, too. The imagery is unmistakable. The purpose of the woman is fertility, and she is the man’s property in this regard, to be used as he sees fit.
Like most household items one might purchase, there is an exchange policy.
But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, Take not the least bit of it back: Would ye take it by slander and manifest wrong? (S. 4:20)
At least Allah lets the discarded wife keep whatever she was given. Allah is benevolent and merciful, as we are routinely reminded in the Quran between verses describing the torment of unbelievers in the afterlife.
Again, Allah is most kind to women, modifying the inheritance rights thereof with respect to other property.
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. (S. 4:19)
That’s sensible. You can’t inherit women. Well, OK, you can inherit dirty women. One must wonder what Muhammad was thinking about all this as Allah dictated.
Speaking of lewdness…
If any of your women are guilty of lewdness, Take the evidence of four (Reliable) witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them to houses until death do claim them, or Allah ordain for them some (other) way. (S. 4:15)
Wow. In our society, the punishment for a lewd woman is mandatory appearances on MTV. The early Muslims went another way. If you’re lewd in front of four or more men, be prepared for Martha Steward style house arrest. There’s no ankle bracelet, but you never get out alive.
O Consorts of the Prophet! If any of you were guilty of evident unseemly conduct, the Punishment would be doubled to her, and that is easy for Allah. (S. 33:30)
I’m confused. Does that mean Muhammad’s wives would get TWO lifetimes of house arrest for lewdness? Hmm…
And stay quietly in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like that of the former Times of Ignorance; and establish regular Prayer, and give regular Charity; and obey Allah and His Messenger. (S. 33:32-33)
Wait a second. Back that camel up. Muhammad’s wives aren’t supposed to leave the house anyway, so what exactly is their punishment for lewdness? It all works out pretty nicely for Muhammad if he likes lewd women. We have no evidence to that effect since Allah wrote the Quran, but it would be pretty incriminating if these had been Muhammad’s words.
We’re not done with rules specifically aimed at Muhammad’s wives.
It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you,- who submit (their wills), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for Faith) and fast,- previously married or virgins. (S. 66:5)
Allah has given this prophet a lifetime wife warranty. If at any time he’s not satisfied, he can return said wife for another one of equal or greater value.
O ye who believe! Approach not prayers with a mind befogged, until ye can understand all that ye say,- nor in a state of ceremonial impurity (Except when travelling on the road), until after washing your whole body. If ye are ill, or on a journey, or one of you cometh from offices of nature, or ye have been in contact with women, and ye find no water, then take for yourselves clean sand or earth, and rub therewith your faces and hands. (S. 4:43)
That could be a problem. Muhammad gets all this great access to women, but he also has to pray a lot. He must have to wash the cooties off himself with dirt several times a day.
Let’s review. Allah hates women. They’re worth half as much as men, they’re essentially property, they’re unclean, they can be traded in like used cars and one may need to lock one in a house for life or scourge one every once in a while. Dick.
~I AM~
October 9th, 2005 at at 10:50 am
It is wierd how in times past greedy, hateful men could just make shit up, claim some god said it, and lots of people would give them loyalty and money. I am sure glad times have changed. Great series.
October 9th, 2005 at at 1:47 pm
Allah sure took good care of Mohammed’s dick. Maybe that’s where Gabriel manifested himself.
It would explain why his first wife incouraged his delusion. It was the only way to get any.
The whole of Islam exists to ensure the male member is treated right!
Geat site, of my instant favorites.
October 9th, 2005 at at 2:20 pm
Lol @ “back that camel up”. Always well-written and interesting.
October 9th, 2005 at at 7:46 pm
Wowie, amazing. I’d like some more.
October 9th, 2005 at at 8:45 pm
I’m not sure who treats women worse, God or Allah. Great post, BTW.
October 9th, 2005 at at 10:28 pm
What the f*** is this. This is all lies. Muslim women have the same rights as muslim guys. Allah said in the holy quran that the most important thing to a men is his wife. Why would he say this if womens rn’t important. i’m a muslim women and i have as much right as the men. u need to stop talking about subjects u don’t know about. People like u r a discrase to humans. Stop beleiving this nonsense u hear on tv. go find out for ur self. S:4:48 bull shit
October 9th, 2005 at at 11:03 pm
beautufulasma:
“Allah forgiveth not that partners should be set up with Him; but He forgiveth anything else, to whom He pleaseth; to set up partners with Allah is to devise a sin Most heinous indeed.” (S. 4:48)
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
This is all lies.
I know. It’s all from the Quran.
go find out for ur self.
I did. Did you miss the 11 passages that support my position?
October 9th, 2005 at at 11:05 pm
If Muslim women have the same rights, how come in so many Islamic theocratic countries they aren’t allowed to drive, must cover themselves, can’t wear makeup? How come in some countries they can’t even go to school?
The Bible is hardly kind to women… but few Christian sects still treat women as the Bible would have them (whereas it seems most Islamic sects do). One could make an argument there that they are breaking the rules of their religions, but that’s another story.
Way to spell check, btw.
October 9th, 2005 at at 11:12 pm
Wow. In our society, the punishment for a lewd woman is mandatory appearances on MTV.
That’s great… I also like the camel line.
October 9th, 2005 at at 11:29 pm
cubic rooms says:
“I am sure glad times have changed.”
*coughscientologycough*
October 10th, 2005 at at 4:13 am
Shame on you, Yammy, for using their own book to beat them. You could have at least used another book of lies, as they all tend to be rather thick and heavy, downright burdensome.
Bad religious nutballs, bad! No more delusions, no more hate! Bad religion, bad!
October 10th, 2005 at at 8:54 am
Man croaks and was good in allahs eyes he gets virgins as a reward(maybe he likes to satisfy curiosity more than passion?), not such a reward mentioned for women. All religions are sick to me but this is one of the more nasty ones. But spreading fast, way more rapidly than others so there must be a lot of sickos out there that like these concepts.
Great series once again!
October 10th, 2005 at at 11:30 am
Allahu Akbar!
October 10th, 2005 at at 5:12 pm
And thus do we see the ancient purpose of the bullshit that created religion in the first place: To each man, a little kingdom where he can be the alpha male. In exchange for this privilege, pay your dues to the club and be prepared to help out at the stonings.
The saddest part is that of the women that accept their lot in this lifestyle. They go on to raise little boys that believe that every little poo they extrude is something wonderful and special. Is it any wonder that some of these overindulged little brats cross the line from basic egomaniac to misogynist?
As for beautifulasma, this is the classic example of a religion being able to be interpreted to mean anything that the interpreter wants it to mean. This is follwed by the obligatory denial of all the contradictory material until such time as it is required to prove a different point.
October 12th, 2005 at at 11:27 pm
Mohammed did not writer the Quran - he was illiterate.
After his death his friends wrote down whatever they could recall Mohammed had claimed he had been told by the angel Gabriel!
October 15th, 2005 at at 4:53 am
Most of the moderate-progressive Muslims I know are like the moderate-progressive Christians I know - generally try to focus on the decent bits of their respective holy books (help the oppressed etc etc) and understand the sexist/racist/dumb parts in their historical and literary context, and unlike fundies, acknowledge that there’s a whole lot of plot holes and inconsistencies and all that, and aren’t anti-science. Me, I’m a big ol’ atheist with occasional agnostic tendencies so I do find it an eyebrow-raiser that these otherwise smart people still insist upon God, but hey, at least they question stuff at all. (Which is not a defense of religion, either, more a resigned observation.)
Fundies, now, are just plain creepy and stupid. *shudder* And deserve no tolerance, because they sure as hell wouldn’t show me any.
(What’s that? A point? I’m sure I had one somewhere. Thinking about fundamentalists addles my brain. Sorry.
)
October 15th, 2005 at at 5:06 am
Wait! I remembered my point! It was about those articles saying “No, no, the REAL TRUE Religion X is actually really good!” - I think the authors are just kind of desperate to prove that the conservative adherents of Religion X are not the authors’ voice. And show that they’re not quite ready to admit that hey, Holy Book of Choice has some atrocious inhumane stuff in it and move on - whether to being non-religious or to more actively dismissing the crappy stuff and its believers. That it mostly seems to be Muslims writing these articles at the moment I think is a symptom of the “Ack, everyone thinks that all Muslims are terrorists and misgynists!” response of solidarity - “No really, we’re ok, these verses prove it!” About 15 years ago when the issue of ordaining women in the Episcopalian church was big, there were a lot of simlar articles around by Christian women citing similar stuff about women from the Bible.
October 17th, 2005 at at 2:15 am
I had the argument about women in Islam just last night with a Somali Muslim. He insists that women are abundantly respected. See, once you understand the simple fact that women just aren’t equal to or as capable or good as men in general, then you’ll understand.
Garbage.