God is a Dick - Part XIV: Asa
Background: After the rule of Solomon and the height of the Hebrew monarchy, the kingdom of Israel was split in two. Solomon’s son Rehoboam ruled the southern kingdom of Judah, which contained the tribes of Judah and Benjamin (and some Levites). The northern kingdom of Israel contained all the other tribes. The third ruler of Judah was Reheboam’s grandson, Asa.
When Asa takes the throne of Judah, there are ten years of peace in the kingdom because Asa’s actions are pleasing to god. His top priority is the destruction of the altars and icons of other deities. He promotes and upholds god’s law among the people. Taking advantage of the long period of military inactivity, he builds walls and fortifications around Judah. This was far more popular then when Ariel Sharon tried to do it in the 58th century (Hebrew calendar), but that’s probably because Sharon was doing it from the other side. During the same period, Asa builds a mighty army of 300,000 spearmen and 280,000 archers, knowing that peace is never permanent. In fact, it comes to an end when 1 million Ethiopians with 300 chariots launch an assault.
And Asa cried unto the LORD his God, and said, LORD, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD our God; for we rest on thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. O LORD, thou art our God; let no man prevail against thee. So the LORD smote the Ethiopians before Asa, and before Judah; and the Ethiopians fled. (2CH 14:11-12 KJV)
Now, let’s see if you’ve all been paying attention to this series. What do god’s chosen people do when the enemy flees? That’s right. They chase them down, slaughter them, take everything of value and destroy their cities. This is the single largest death toll god racks up in a long and distinguished career of military barbarism.
After the battle, Asa is reminded by Oded, a prophet of the lord, how important it is to keep god on their side. He speaks of a time when Israel had turned away from god, and how god was there for them when they found him again. God defeated all of Israel’s enemies.
And in those times there was no peace to him that went out, nor to him that came in, but great vexations were upon all the inhabitants of the countries. And nation was destroyed of nation, and city of city: for God did vex them with all adversity. (2CH 15:5-6 KJV)
Asa, realizing that he might have some nations or cities to vex pretty soon, redoubles his efforts to rid Judah of idolatry, and renews the altar of god. He makes a huge sacrifice (7,700 animals), and enters into a new covenant with god. Every person in Judah will seek the god of Israel or be put to death. Asa even strips his idolatrous grandmother of her status and destroys her idol.
God, satisfied by the blood of nonbelievers, grants 25 years of peace to Judah. However, at that point, king Baasha of Israel moves against Judah, building the city of Ramah to block access to the southern kingdom. Asa responds by sending a gift of silver and gold to Benhadad, king of Syria, as a bribe to attack Israel from the north. When Israel’s attention is turned away from Judah, Asa moves into Ramah, taking the stone and timber to build two cities in Judah.
This is a pretty clever plan, but god is displeased. A seer comes to Asa and criticizes him for turning to the king of Syria instead of the lord.
Then Asa was wroth with the seer, and put him in a prison house; for he was in a rage with him because of this thing. And Asa oppressed some of the people the same time. (2CH 16:10 KJV)
Three years later, when Asa is “diseased in his feet,” he is foolish enough to consult with physicians instead of god. He dies in the 41st year of his reign.
Let’s review. Asa becomes king of Judah, and sets out to rid the land of idolatry. When the Ethiopians attack, god helps Judah to slaughter 1 million of them and to destroy their cities. A prophet tells Asa to maintain a good relationship with god, because god likes vexing his enemies. Asa has everyone in Judah who won’t accept god (except his grandmother) killed. This is still not enough for god to forgive him for a very clever strategic decision to enter a military alliance with Syria. Finally, when Asa dares to trust doctors with his health, god has had enough of him, despite the fact that “the heart of Asa was perfect all his days.” (2CH 15:17 KJV) Dick.
~I AM~
October 2nd, 2005 at at 12:50 am
One step out of line, and you’re shot… Maybe God was the original mob boss.
October 2nd, 2005 at at 8:53 am
I must have missed something here: where before you are born did you get to decide to be born Jewish or other? What gives this god the right to punish you for being born not Jewish? Do you know how impossible it was to even try to become a Jew back then? This is less decent than the insanity that is crips vs bloods.
If you believe any of the OT tales in the Bible why are you not expending your every last ounce of energy to fight this most hideous of sick dictators that you believe exists; ‘god’? I can think of nothing more Un American than a concept that deifies all we as a people fight. When we took on Hitler or Al Qaeda, neither of those was as utterly sick and depraved by any standard of measurement that would get you thrown in jail today, as this so called god.
Are folk that think this dick needs worshiping just craven toadies too sh*t scared to stand up for what is decent, so scared of being tortured now and after death that they are not even what one would call real men anymore? Even those who just look at these ‘religious’ books and try and find the ’symbolic life lessons’ have me worried. Gold mining in a turd farm is the politest way to put it for that stupidity.
Thank god I am an atheist!
October 2nd, 2005 at at 9:22 am
Just a little tidbit of information:
Crips kill more Crips than Bloods kill Crips. Bloods also kill Bloods. It’s a little more than simple “Crip vs Blood”. LJ’s point is still incredibly valid, I’m just the master at digressing.
Very well put LJ.
The difference between OT and NT are so night and day that I cannot begin to fathom how they can be used together by one religion. God is still a dick in the NT, but he’s not near as um…racist. How do non-Jewish Christians even begin to explain their acceptance by the Hebrew God of the OT?
October 2nd, 2005 at at 9:27 am
Yam…
I’m trying to re-locate a Biblical source here, and would appreciate your assistance (IF you’re familiar):
In the later books of the OT, a prophet of one of the Kingdoms “discovers” the old laws (referring to the Pentateuch) and brings them to his king’s attention. It is quite convincing that this possibly suggests some, well, major shit (coupled with relatively few references to the events and characters of the “Mosaic” writings in “later” books).
Back to the topic at hand. I apologize for (once again) digressing.
October 2nd, 2005 at at 12:44 pm
DUB:
That’s not ringing any bells for me. I tried some keyword searches at blueletterbible.org, but I didn’t come up with anything. You may want to try for yourself. It’s incredible how few times the word discover is used in the bible and how many times the word law pops up.
October 2nd, 2005 at at 2:47 pm
What a great series. Initially it was about the stories in the bible that I think many of us had already heard about before and even then it was enjoying to hear your commentary on it. But now I’m learning about stories that I had never even heard before, and I must say that they are quite entertaining!
October 2nd, 2005 at at 8:36 pm
Great series. Just great.
October 3rd, 2005 at at 12:29 pm
Why hasnt God been involved in any of the more recent crap going down in that part of the world? Iraq? Iraq II? Operation oppress the Arabs (Israel)?
Is it possibly because God isnt really there? I think one of I Am’s best lines ever was: “There is no enforcer.”
October 4th, 2005 at at 11:59 am
Aaron:
If the theists have their way, a revision of the bible 400 years down the road will have some useful lesson about how Iraq and Iraq II were about smiting the sinners. Perhaps the Iraqis displeased God, but somehow the Americans pissed God off in the process of beating the snot out of the Iraqis and he decided he didn’t want them winning any more. I’m sure they’ll make up something that the gullible sheep (what a great nickname to give themselves) will readily believe.
November 15th, 2005 at at 5:26 pm
You win, God is with you, you lose, God is disciplining you… but, God’ still on your side (win or lose)…
… funny though, when you lost, your enemies figured it meant God was fighting for them & when you won & they lost, God was disiplining them… but, God’ still on their side (win or lose)…
… every outcome simply proves God is on their side…
October 11th, 2006 at at 11:17 am
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bonito…
July 31st, 2007 at at 11:51 am
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haha nice one! :p…