I’m Too Sexy for My God
I’m a teacher, you know what I mean
and I do my little turn on the catechism
Poor Caterina Bonci. The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church finds her too sexy to teach religion. Well, that’s her side of the story, anyway.
Bonci is a reasonably attractive, 38 year old “blonde” woman who has been teaching religion in Fano, Italy for 14 years. Not anymore. She has been fired and claims that it is due to her appearance. “She said reports that fathers accompanied their children to religion classes so they could look at her meant little to her as long as the children came to class.” Church lawyers claim that her termination was due to her divorce… five years ago. While it’s true that this is the organization that took 359 years to apologize to Galileo, I find it unlikely that they waited five years to let her go for this purpose.
This is a totally meaningless event, so why am I posting about it? First of all, I think this blog needs to lighten up a bit after the debate that’s been raging for the last few days. However, I also think this incident is very telling about the Catholic Church’s relationship to women.
Isn’t it god that made Ms. Bonci hot? Shouldn’t we worship him all the more when in the presence of some of his best work? Perhaps this is why the church is so opposed to allowing women to be priests. What if some of them were hot? Personally, I see only two side effects, and they’re both positive for the church. More men would go to church willingly, and far fewer altar boys would complain about molestation. In fact, some of them might sign up hoping for it. Everybody wins.
~I AM~
September 8th, 2005 at at 2:10 am
Well said. One would think that the one branch of Christianity that deifies a woman would dignify female teachers by allowing them to teach and preach alongside males. And, like you say, boobs are a plus. A relevant idiom might be that people often cannot see the forest for the trees.
September 8th, 2005 at at 3:40 am
I’m just not feeling rambunctious and mischievous today. Normally I’d be my typically sacrilegious self and demonstrate a complete disregard for decency in the name of a good laugh with emphasis on the inanity that is religion. Right now I’m just not up to taking shots at pederasty and Catholicism. I’m not even in the mood to use this as an excuse to make some borderline-crass remark about (though out of complete admiration of) women.
But maybe I’m just flat-out scared to death of the Roman Catholic Church because of all these Chick Tracts I’ve been reading.
Anyway, we know all too well the reason behind the Church’s blatant sexism. Of course, they can just pass it off on “God’s Word” since Paul does make it quite clear that women have no place discussing religion (not to mention the rest of the Bible’s rampant misogyny).
One has to wonder how many women were continuously raped and/or made into nothing more than baby-machines (at the complete risk of serious, if not fatal, consequences) due to the beliefs of this church (and every other patriarchal religion).
She’s not really even all that, but I can see her appeal to a bunch of horny, closet-freak sexual deviants with extremely supressed (and equally twisted) urges - aka The Vatican. Well, at least the ones who aren’t self-hating homosexuals and pedophiles.
On a side note - I was plenty guilty of going to church a couple times to run up on some fine sistas in tight church skirts. If I was especially lucky, one might be getting baptized. It’s like a wet t-shirt contest complete with glossolalia, which only showcases a nimble tongue, creative mind, and aptitude for show(wo)manship (which may come in handy for roleplaying).
September 8th, 2005 at at 7:03 am
Now that’s Italian!
September 8th, 2005 at at 9:23 am
The RCC is completely whacked. It’s funny how “God” gives them the right to divorce in the Old Testement and then when “Geeee Zus” comes along divorce is forbidden and god hates when you divorce.
Get those priests a woman and save our alter boys. If there is to be worship of the divine I can think of nothing better than woman. Excuse me while I go to worship.
Oh and according to the driver of our bus to work this morning, Katrina is god being mad at us for taking him out of our schools and off our money. I’d have settled for an audible voice from the heavens. God must be 3 yrs. old because that’s what mine do when their mad. They just throw stuff at us.
September 8th, 2005 at at 11:48 am
Religious people have an obsession with not feeling good unless that good feeling comes directly from lying belly up in submission to a God. Its not like anyone is worshipping the woman. They are looking at the attractive female the way an art admirer would observe a beautiful painting. Whats wrong with that?
Having an attraction to a pretty woman takes power away from the church, literally. Her beauty commands attention, respect, and admiration. The church cant have too much of that going on.
The church wants to be the sole source of pleasure and admiration for its adherents. The church wants ugly women.
Case in point: has a church ever fired a teacher for being too ugly?
September 8th, 2005 at at 12:03 pm
Everybody wins, except women, who continue to be treated like sex objects.
September 8th, 2005 at at 12:30 pm
You have to remember that the church believes GeeZus made their lustful thoughts adulterous.
“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ” ~Matt 5:28
And we all know that in the Old Testament God said adultery is a SIN. It’s funny to me how christians (and I used to be one) pick and choose which items are sin in the OT. Adultery is a biggie as well as sleeping with your sister, oh and I almost forgot about tithing. God help you if you don’t tithe. What about all the kosher laws god set up? He said not to eat pork. I forgot Jesus died so they don’t have to keep any of those. Bring on the Bacon baby!
September 8th, 2005 at at 12:33 pm
BlondebutBright Says:
Everybody wins, except women, who continue to be treated like sex objects.
BlondebutBright,
You’ll have to forgive us pigs. Its hard to surpress millions and millions of years of DNA. Gals, We Love Em!
September 8th, 2005 at at 2:47 pm
Aaron:
I spent 10 years in Catholic school, and I can tell you with confidence that they have not.
September 8th, 2005 at at 3:40 pm
I AM:
Have you heard the “Kiss Hanks Ass” story?
September 8th, 2005 at at 4:30 pm
*pulls up a chair* No, do tell.
September 8th, 2005 at at 4:34 pm
‘I spent 10 years in Catholic school, and I can tell you with confidence that they have not.’
Oh ho, I feel quite sorry for you! Crushes on (decently) hot school teachers are an important part of every boy’s …uh… development
September 8th, 2005 at at 4:34 pm
It’s a tad long, but worth the read. Its quite clean. Here goes. It sounds distrubingly familiar…
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: “Hi! I’m John, and this is Mary.”
Mary: “Hi! We’re here to invite you to come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”
Me: “Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who’s Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?”
John: “If you kiss Hank’s ass, He’ll give you a million dollars; and if you don’t, He’ll kick the shit out of you.”
Me: “What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?”
John: “Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can’t until you kiss His ass.”
Me: “That doesn’t make any sense. Why…”
Mary: “Who are you to question Hank’s gift? Don’t you want a million dollars? Isn’t it worth a little kiss on the ass?”
Me: “Well maybe, if it’s legit, but…”
John: “Then come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”
Me: “Do you kiss Hank’s ass often?”
Mary: “Oh yes, all the time…”
Me: “And has He given you a million dollars?”
John: “Well no. You don’t actually get the money until you leave town.”
Me: “So why don’t you just leave town now?”
Mary: “You can’t leave until Hank tells you to, or you don’t get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you.”
Me: “Do you know anyone who kissed Hank’s ass, left town, and got the million dollars?”
John: “My mother kissed Hank’s ass for years. She left town last year, and I’m sure she got the money.”
Me: “Haven’t you talked to her since then?”
John: “Of course not, Hank doesn’t allow it.”
Me: “So what makes you think He’ll actually give you the money if you’ve never talked to anyone who got the money?”
Mary: “Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you’ll get a raise, maybe you’ll win a small lotto, maybe you’ll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street.”
Me: “What’s that got to do with Hank?”
John: “Hank has certain ‘connections.’”
Me: “I’m sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game.”
John: “But it’s a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don’t kiss Hank’s ass He’ll kick the shit out of you.”
Me: “Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him…”
Mary: “No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank.”
Me: “Then how do you kiss His ass?”
John: “Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl’s ass, and he passes it on.”
Me: “Who’s Karl?”
Mary: “A friend of ours. He’s the one who taught us all about kissing Hank’s ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times.”
Me: “And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?”
John: “Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here’s a copy; see for yourself.”
From the Desk of Karl
Kiss Hank’s ass and He’ll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren’t like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don’t use alcohol.
Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
Kiss Hank’s ass or He’ll kick the shit out of you.
Me: “This appears to be written on Karl’s letterhead.”
Mary: “Hank didn’t have any paper.”
Me: “I have a hunch that if we checked we’d find this is Karl’s handwriting.”
John: “Of course, Hank dictated it.”
Me: “I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?”
Mary: “Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people.”
Me: “I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they’re different?”
Mary: “It’s what Hank wants, and Hank’s always right.”
Me: “How do you figure that?”
Mary: “Item 7 says ‘Everything Hank says is right.’ That’s good enough for me!”
Me: “Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up.”
John: “No way! Item 5 says ‘Hank dictated this list himself.’ Besides, item 2 says ‘Use alcohol in moderation,’ Item 4 says ‘Eat right,’ and item 8 says ‘Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.’ Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too.”
Me: “But 9 says ‘Don’t use alcohol.’ which doesn’t quite go with item 2, and 6 says ‘The moon is made of green cheese,’ which is just plain wrong.”
John: “There’s no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you’ve never been to the moon, so you can’t say for sure.”
Me: “Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock…”
Mary: “But they don’t know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese.”
Me: “I’m not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow ‘captured’ by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn’t make it cheese.”
John: “Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!”
Me: “We do?”
Mary: “Of course we do, Item 7 says so.”
Me: “You’re saying Hank’s always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That’s circular logic, no different than saying ‘Hank’s right because He says He’s right.’”
John: “Now you’re getting it! It’s so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank’s way of thinking.”
Me: “But…oh, never mind. What’s the deal with wieners?”
Mary: She blushes.
John: “Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It’s Hank’s way. Anything else is wrong.”
Me: “What if I don’t have a bun?”
John: “No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong.”
Me: “No relish? No Mustard?”
Mary: She looks positively stricken.
John: He’s shouting. “There’s no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!”
Me: “So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?”
Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears.” I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la.”
John: “That’s disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that…”
Me: “It’s good! I eat it all the time.”
Mary: She faints.
John: He catches Mary. “Well, if I’d known you were one of those I wouldn’t have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I’ll be there, counting my money and laughing. I’ll kiss Hank’s ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater.”
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
September 8th, 2005 at at 4:41 pm
We’re Americans (most of us). We don’t read. Watch the movie.
Thanks to Delta for the link.
September 8th, 2005 at at 4:45 pm
I’ve seen the movie as well.
BRILLIANT
September 8th, 2005 at at 5:03 pm
I’d fuck her.
(looks around)
WHAT? Don’t look at me like that. You know you were thinkin’ the same thing.
(ducks head…tries to slip quietly out the door…)
September 8th, 2005 at at 5:23 pm
I like the end of the movie the best where the laptop says “hanks computer” LOL
thats an old video.
September 8th, 2005 at at 5:48 pm
rmadison wrote: “WHAT? Don’t look at me like that. You know you were thinkin’ the same thing.”
Yeah, I don’t know about that. I’ve had my fill of myspace.com where every group’s leading thread is titled “Would you do the person above you?” or some such equally titillating statement.
September 8th, 2005 at at 8:11 pm
Constantine
Are you sure that was a tad? Because you see i have problem with that. I believe it is in reality just a smidgeon bigger than a tad. So imagine if you will what kind of problem I now am haveing? I do not know if I can move on. Which means I have to question the entire story ……He said as he wandered away mumbling to himself.
I too went to catholic school. If they would just give up on the sex is dirt part maybe they would have less problems.
And I agree I would wish all day long. And dream me some tremulous dreams.
JIM
September 9th, 2005 at at 8:48 am
A thousand pardons me lord.
I was torn between a tad and a smidgeon. As we bulls all know size doesn’t matter… right??? Please… :S
September 9th, 2005 at at 1:05 pm
Someone should do a study to find out WHY catholic high schools produce more satanists, gays, and lesbians than the public evil secular schools do.
I honestly, seriously wish that I had the resources for that kind of study.
September 9th, 2005 at at 4:34 pm
I’d fuck her.
(looks around)
WHAT? Don’t look at me like that. You know you were thinkin’ the same thing.
Actually, no. No, I wasn’t. First, and most importantly, I’m married. Second, I’m fairly straight. Third, Caterina is just not my type. In fact, I’m not exactly sure why anyone thinks this woman is “sexy”. Okay, to be fair, I’m not a ravishing beauty myself, but geesh… her face is okay at best, and there’s something about her mouth that makes me think she got one too many silicone injections. I can’t imagine why the Catholics fired her, but don’t think it’s because of sexiness.
Unless she was teaching in spiked heels, short skirts and flashing her boobs, while using her best Jessica Rabbit voice. Men are hardly as selective as they should be (in general) at what they’ll oogle when it’s in their faces. Y’all are just too easy.
September 9th, 2005 at at 4:58 pm
addict_no_more says:
Actually, no. No, I wasn’t. First, and most importantly, I’m married. Second, I’m fairly straight. Third, Caterina is just not my type.
Wait! I wanna hear more about this “fairly” straight business! What do you mean by “fairly”?
I’m fairly curious.
(ducks again)
OK, OK…sorry…I was just joking.
But seriously…
(curls pinky to corner of mouth)
September 9th, 2005 at at 5:26 pm
Well, I Am, you certainly managed to make this blog less serious
September 9th, 2005 at at 7:59 pm
Maybe this will help satisfy your curiosity, rmadison.
Fairly straight, mostly straight… I’ve heard it called something like bi-flexible, but I think that’s too extreme a term to apply to myself. I’ve always preferred to just sit back and watch.
There are two reasons for this… one is, women are just more interesting to look at. The other is, I am so hopelessly consumed with love for my husband, no other man can possibly compare favorably. My husband is a god… heh, just kidding. But seriously, he’s gorgeous. No point in looking at the other’s when I have the best specimen all to myself already.
Before him, I’d never have gotten seriously involved with a woman. I have a hard enough time dealing with my mood swings, thanks.
Anyway, et’s just say I’ve been known to give my husband a head’s up if there’s a really hot chick around. Only when I’m not feeling in a jealous mood, though…
Aeger (or anyone else), sorry if my inner vixen has offended you. She didn’t mean it. I’ll try to keep her better under wraps.
September 9th, 2005 at at 8:23 pm
Here’s one for the Catholics:
They say that Mary was not just a virgin, but a “Perpetual Virgin”
She had like, 12 kids…right?
So, if Jesus being born of a virgin is proof that he is the god-man/savior, then how come his brothers and sisters went totally unnoticed?
I mean, really, shouldent they have at least a little piece of the divinity pie?
This family sounds stranger than The Jackson Five.
September 9th, 2005 at at 9:32 pm
Love it!!
I put a link to your site on my blogroll.
September 9th, 2005 at at 9:42 pm
You are welcome here, seeker.
I’ve always wanted to say something like that.
September 10th, 2005 at at 4:32 pm
Good post. I like to see something light for a change. If the consequences of religion weren’t so scary, the absurdity really would be funny.
September 2nd, 2007 at at 6:35 am
Counter Strike…
Counter Strike…