Catholictown, USA
Living in the 21st century United States is hard for rigid Catholic dogmatists. Our society must seem to them like an endless cavalcade of condoms and homosexuals. The very face of Satan, with his round spectacles and lightening-bolt scar, stares at them from each bookstore window and neighborhood cinema. Their daughters are able to have safe and legal abortions, which is anathema to their god. Luckily, a paradise will soon be available to them, right here in the land of the free. The Catholics, you see, are building a city.
The city of Ave Maria, Florida will be built on pizza. Well, I’m sure the wings contribute, as well. Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s Pizza, is the chairman of the Ave Maria Foundation. This group founded Ave Maria University in Naples, Florida.
Ave Maria University is a vibrant Catholic university located in beautiful southwest Florida. It is an academic institution that pledges faithfulness to the teachings of the Church and is committed to providing one of the finest classical liberal arts curricula available. Ave Maria is known for faithfulness to the magisterium of the Catholic Church, a caring faculty and staff, and a unique educational philosophy that strives to develop the whole person.
The Ave Maria Foundation became involved with the Barron Collier Companies, which is a group seeking to revolutionize rural land planning. “The ‘Rural Stewardship’ program developed for Collier County’s eastern lands is an innovative approach to protecting both the environment and agriculture, while promoting economic prosperity,” explains President Paul Marinelli. Together, the two organizations are constructing, from scratch, the new 5,000 acre town of Ave Maria, Florida, which will feature the new campus of Ave Maria University.
The town will include 11,000 residential dwellings, 20,000 square feet of class A office space and three major retail areas. Monaghan explained, “We’re going to control all the commercial real estate, so there’s not going to be any pornography sold in this town. We’re controlling the cable system. The pharmacies are not going to be able to sell condoms or dispense contraceptives.” [source] The centerpiece of Ave Maria will be “the largest fixed-seating Catholic Church in the nation, with room for more than 3,000 worshipers.” [source] Oh, wait. No it won’t. They’re already backing off on the plan. The first phase of the town will open for business in 2007. 30,000 residents are expected by 2016.
There are just so many questions raised by this community. What are the tax implications? Will public money be funding religious schools? How limited will health care options be, and can anything be done to fix that? Why the hell is southern Florida such a popular place for religious charter communities? Is ‘magisterium’ even a real word? (It is.)
The most important question of all, however, may be “Where’s that Pizza Hut menu?”
~I AM~
August 17th, 2005 at at 1:11 am
Dominos pizza sucks. How could it have enough money to do this? Who the hell eats Dominos anymore? I’m going to open the first atheist church by selling porn or something. I mean, the porn industry is a multibillion-dollar industry a year. What is the shitty pizza industry’s annual income?
August 17th, 2005 at at 2:01 am
That’s really interesting, maybe all the christians will move there.
Yes! Open up an atheist church. Not for worship or nothing, but just for reflection, that’s what the Quakers do, silent worship, really great stuff. Great for sorting out your life.
And I eat Domino’s, it’s good. Although eating it in a school cafeteria can sour a person to it, what with the freezing and the unfreezing and the refreezing and the unfreezing and the rerefreezing and the unfreezing, etc.
Yet another wonderful post I AM, keep em coming.
August 17th, 2005 at at 5:00 am
I saw this on the news and was gonna comment on here about it, but you obviously beat me to it I AM. You’re keeping up my expectations
I think I can say what we’re all thinking… these Christian communities will help us in the end, it will just take one large bomb instead of several small ones
August 17th, 2005 at at 8:59 am
We would not tollerate somebody setting up an all white supremist enclave in Florida that would not sell black music in its stores or show movies on cable with miscegination in them but somehow this is ok?
I will never buy another Domino’s in my life and will make a point of telling every one I meet why.
August 17th, 2005 at at 9:18 am
The guy already has so much money, it doesn’t matter. Besides, according to this site, it’s too late to boycott. He’s already sold it: http://tinyurl.com/bygvf.
What concerns me most about this is that the idea will spread to the evangelicals. I mean, they’ve already got MegaChurches… why not build cities inside, er alongside them?
Every day there are more and more stories on TV that have a religious bent. Every day I worry more and more that when I have children in a few years, this country is not going to be safe for them to live in as atheists. Just as so many Christians began to homeschool in recent years, I’m increasingly convinced I’ll have to homeschool, to protect them from the relgious fanatics.
I love America, but Americans are really scaring me these days…
August 17th, 2005 at at 9:22 am
“Why the hell is southern Florida such a popular place for religious charter communities?”
Such easy questions… Have you ever been to Florida? The coastlines are flooded with retirees. They are closer to death than the average population. Many are afraid of it. Faith is the balm they apply to that fear.
Funny thing, drive route 1 along the coast line. There are equal number of churches and porn shops. An interesting contrast.
ARB
August 17th, 2005 at at 9:58 am
addict_no_more:
Monaghan is still a large shareholder. He just sold controlling interest. However, since he already has nearly $500 million, there’s little that can be done.
August 17th, 2005 at at 10:30 am
It’s Celebration, Florida - only driven by a religious fervor rather than a capitalist one. Or is that the same thing?
August 17th, 2005 at at 11:56 am
The pharmacies are not going to be able to sell condoms or dispense contraceptives
And this town will undoubtedly lead the nation in teenage pregnancies (from what I know of Catholic schoolgirls
We’re going to control all the commercial real estate, so there’s not going to be any pornography sold in this town. We’re controlling the cable system.
Well, unless they figure out some way to control everyone’s Internet access, methinks that there will be no problem accessing porno for those hypocrites that need it (like all the dads who aren’t getting any from the wife anymore).
August 17th, 2005 at at 12:05 pm
…remember that Domino’s commercial with Donalt Trump?
*suspicious eye swivel*
August 17th, 2005 at at 12:05 pm
Ah, damn, I spelled his name wrong.
August 17th, 2005 at at 12:12 pm
“The church, called an oratory because it is not associated with a Catholic diocese or religious order…”
So is this community not endorsed by the Vatican then? Interesting.
What I want to know, is what the hell will be going down at the local preschool? Those cathylicks are known for having “unorthodox” supervisory methods for little children.
I wonder if this community can discriminate based on sexual preference or religion? Could an atheist move in? Can a gay man move in? Can a person get evicted for buying a porn or a condom and bringing it in to the community (into his own private home even)?
I hope this community gets filled with gays, and that all the unmarried women get pregnant.
August 17th, 2005 at at 12:47 pm
This will be fun to watch evolve, everything that can go wrong probably will.
Ah that Donald, quite a character.
Lets just sit back and watch this explode in their faces.
August 17th, 2005 at at 1:09 pm
Aeger,
It can’t evolve. They don’t believe in it
August 17th, 2005 at at 1:19 pm
I took a picture of a newspaper article about this, some time back….the headline/graphic is very amusing.
August 17th, 2005 at at 2:29 pm
Haha, Christ by the Slice….
And ARB, they’re Catholic so they should be fine with the evolving. Though the Church seems to evolve very very slowly…
August 17th, 2005 at at 6:43 pm
“Well, unless they figure out some way to control everyone’s Internet access, methinks that there will be no problem accessing porno for those hypocrites that need it (like all the dads who aren’t getting any from the wife anymore).”
China does it. They’ll simply either ban internet (Its the work of Satan, you know.) or set up their own ISP that filters traffic.
August 17th, 2005 at at 11:34 pm
“…there’s not going to be any pornography sold in this town. We’re controlling the cable system. The pharmacies are not going to be able to sell condoms or dispense contraceptives…”
Why do they have to do all this? Isn’t this goin to be an ALL catholic community? They should be able to line the shelves w/ Hustlers and rubbers and have 12 porn channels on their cable w/o temptation! If your willing to move to some “experimental” town like this, you’ve got to be an Uber-catholic.
Oh, I know why. Cause they know that no matter how religious a person says they are, people still like to screw and watch others screw.
August 18th, 2005 at at 1:00 pm
Can You See the Virgin Mary In this Sprawl?
My new favorite blog, The Evangelical Atheist (thanks Stefan!), has a long, detailed post about a Catholic planned community (god I love that euphemism for controlled bigotry homogeneity) bankrolled by pizza tycoon Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s …