God is a Dick - Part V: Punishment and Predestination in Islam
The Bible has been a good source of material, and we’ll get back to it next time, but this week, Allah is the dick in question. (Sentences like that are why I remain anonymous.) For those of you who haven’t read the Qur’an, its organization is very different from the Bible. Surahs (or chapters) are arranged by length rather than chronologically or according to subject matter. Making a point in the Qur’an requires a little skipping around, but since it’s pretty repetitive, you can usually find the same thing in five or ten locations.
The Bible hedges its bets on the issue of predestination. Different Christian sects use different passages to support opposite positions on the matter. The Qur’an, though, is pretty black and white. Allah has absolute power and everything is predestined.
He whom Allah leadeth, he indeed is led aright, while he whom Allah sendeth astray - they indeed are losers. (S. 7:178)
And if thy Lord willed, all who are in the earth would have believed together. Wouldst thou (Muhammad) compel men until they are believers ? It is not for any soul to believe save by the permission of Allah. (S. 10:99-100)
Clearly, it is Allah who decides whether or not a person believes. How is it then that disbelief is amongst the greatest sins in Islam?
But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads, Whereby that which is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted; And for them are hooked rods of iron. Whenever, in their anguish, they would go forth from thence they are driven back therein and (it is said unto them): Taste the doom of burning. (S. 22:19-22)
Then whosoever will, let him believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve. Lo! We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. Calamitous the drink and ill the resting-place! (S. 18:29)
The Qur’an is chock full of these two themes. 1.) Allah decides whether you believe and whether you follow the rules. 2.) If you fail to believe and/or follow the rules, you will be punished in horrible (but colorful) ways for eternity.
Allow me to offer an analogy. I get a cute, fuzzy little puppy. I bring it home and sit it down on the floor of my living room. I think to myself, The puppy is not allowed on the sofa. I pick up the puppy and put it on the sofa. I then have no choice but to bring the puppy into the kitchen and hold it over an open flame while sticking pins in its eyes to punish it for breaking the rules of the house. This analogy is pretty close. I am a superior being to the puppy. I set up rules of which the puppy may or may not be aware. I force the puppy to break the rules and punish him. The only flaw in this analogy is that eventually, the puppy will die. Unlike Allah, I can’t torture him FOREVER. Dick.
~I AM~
P.S. The winners of the Visual Clues Contest have been posted on the Contest Winners page.
July 24th, 2005 at at 5:33 pm
If the Christian god is a dick, then Allah is a sadistic, murdering lunatic. It is sad that Yaweh pales in comparison because he’s a serious asshole himself. But for sheer hatred, Allah has him beat. How is it that something this evil could survive, even prosper, for so long? Would Allah even be a problem if the Middle East didn’t happen to be sitting on top of the world’s largest reserves of oil? Talk about irony. It almost seems like a god created these circumstances just because they are so fucked up. It’s only a matter of time before Israel becomes a mushroom cloud.
July 24th, 2005 at at 10:29 pm
Arranged by length? That’s got to be the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a while.
July 24th, 2005 at at 11:46 pm
The puppy analogy made me cry. I really like puppies.
I guess that means it was a powerful analogy. I hope you’re not a puppy hater (just kidding, I think).
Allah is hard core. This bit of dickish behavior really makes any other dickish acts less important. How much worse can it really get? We all ready know he’s a supreme dick, er being.
Hey, three of my entries won. Awesome! Thanks
!
July 25th, 2005 at at 12:09 am
The Evangelical Atheist: making readers cry since 2005.
I am, in actuality, a puppy lover. I would have used a kitten for the example, but I would have felt guilty about it as a cat hater.
July 25th, 2005 at at 12:19 am
Did you feel a little dirty calling yourself a puppy lover?
Sorry, buzzed on Vicodin. Feeling a bit frisky. Like a puppy.
I love kittens, too. I don’t understand cat haters. I am convinced people who hate cats are just threatened by their independence and intelligence.
July 25th, 2005 at at 2:44 am
Cat lover checking in.
July 25th, 2005 at at 5:50 am
I have to agree with steve… ordering it by length seems stupid. There aren’t any stories in it like the Old Testament, right? You’d think they could’ve come up with some logical order though…
Has Allah done anything like a global flood or kill a bunch of people or is the Quran more like “Don’t do this or this will happen…”?
And is it bad the puppy analogy made me smirk? I like dogs but I’m a cat person with 4 here and one at my dad’s. They get sooo annoying though. =/
July 25th, 2005 at at 8:10 am
Independent and intelligent? Hey, cats are probably atheists. I’m just glad most atheists don’t have retractable claws.
July 25th, 2005 at at 12:21 pm
Of course cats are atheists, but dogs could easily be brainwashed into religion, as they are so eager to please their masters.
4 cats and 2 dogs. The ark is officially closed for now in my house.
July 25th, 2005 at at 2:15 pm
Looks like someone already beat me to the cats=atheists, dogs=religious joiners. How can any self-respecting atheist call himself a cat hater? That’s just sick. ;). Although that does explain the lack of Friday Cat Blogging on this site….
July 25th, 2005 at at 3:51 pm
Que es Friday Cat Blogging? No se.
I have a cat that lives with my mother. I am not sure he’s an atheist, but he’s more doglike that catlike, and he’s not the brightest cat around. Still, he’s so sweet… unfortunately, my husband is allergic - and also a cat hater. He thinks cats might eat us in our sleep or some other ridiculous thing like that. Nothing I say or do can convince him otherwise, and even seeing how sweet the aformentioned cat is doesn’t sway him. I did manage to get him to admit the cat is cute. This was a rather major accomplishment, frankly.
The other two cats living there (mother & daughter) are most definitely atheists. They are bright, independent spirits. Heh.
My mother’s dog might be an atheist. She’s smart, wild and uh, crazy.
July 25th, 2005 at at 3:52 pm
PS. If you piss me off, you’ll see that I have retractable claws.
Meow!
July 25th, 2005 at at 5:17 pm
Maybe Friday Cat Blogging isn’t as widespread a phenomenon as I thought :). I read a lot of lefty-political blogs, so maybe that’s where its most prominent. Here’s the start of it as far as I know:
http://calpundit.com/archives/000597.html
re: “He thinks cats might eat us in our sleep….”
Don’t be so sure that they wouldn’t…. You’ve heard those stories about old ladies who have died at home and the cats have started eating the body right? You’re just a food source to them, they probably prefer it when you produce food from those magical cans, but they’ll take what they can get. I find its that extra element of danger that makes living with cats so much fun :).
July 25th, 2005 at at 7:19 pm
Mmm… I have a blog in my other life. I may have to do Friday cat blogging. Adam, how many cats do you have? And has anyone ever told you that you’re, uh, strange? I don’t think my cat would eat me. The daughter cat I mentioned earlier, she’s a little huntress, or was before she was forced into indoor cat retirement… she might eat someone. Shh, don’t tell my husband that.
July 27th, 2005 at at 10:40 am
I have none, I grew up with 2-4 though. None of them ever tried to eat me…I’m sure those were just affectionate nibbles while we were “playing”.